My last trip to Mammoth was simultaneously the best and worst snowboard adventure in the history of winter sport. It started in fresh powder and ended in the hospital. Allow me to explain.
“
Those coincidentally are my most heaviest of items. Gracias!… ”
Franco Torres said regarding Oldskool Wednesday
Oldskool Wednesday
Okay, I’m going to start updating this thing again. Here’s one of my favorite old ones. Enjoy.
January 3, 2007
Wrong Number
I’m accused of being a lot of things. At the top of the list, of course, would have to be a “deadbeat father.” I resent this because:
Gender Bender
Interesting…
Conversations with my Friends
So I had the following conversation with my friend:
HIM: I don’t think I can have sushi for a really long time.
ME: Why not?
HIM: Dokoro flies their fish in from Japan where nuclear stuff hasn’t stopped exploding according to latest reports. Dammit, I eat there once a week.
ME: It’s hard being you.
HIM: God, I think I just unwittingly stepped into the mother of whitewhine.com’s – stupid devastation of a country affecting my high-end sushi.
ME: Yeah, you did.
Oldskool Wednesday
It’s been eventful. I just moved. And for the record, except for my girlfriend (and let’s be honest, she doesn’t count), I didn’t inconvenience any of my friends in the process. I hope you’re taking notes, Franco.
Anyway, my new place is the heatness; I will soon post pictures of it and a backlog of stories:
a) Why I moved.
b) How I almost banged Oliva Munn
c) How a snowboard trip turned into a bar brawl, which turned into my friend getting stitches.
But in the spirit of Oldskool Wednesday, here’s an old post from when Franco’s bitchass moved for the umpteenth time.
Sonned, Son
Two of my coworkers are splitting an episode this week. They delivered the first act the other day, and it was really good. But, like the asshole I am, I decided to text one of them, tell him I loved the act, ask which half was his, and then renege my compliment no matter how he answered. Inarguably, he was sonned. Act like you know.
Tosh Owes Me Money
I usually don’t mind reading other peoples’ shit. It’s only fair given the fact that three years ago I was the guy trying desperately to get eyeballs on my work. But that policy changed once I was sent a script by this bitch named Stacy.
Before I go any further, the rest of this story will only make sense if you know who Brian A. is (I’m not using full names to avoid Google searches). Go ahead and familiarize yourself. I’ll wait.
Tahoe Like Whoa
I was diamond cutting in Tahoe this weekend. What’s diamond cutting, you ask? It’s new slang for snowboarding. Get involved.
Anyway, in the following video, I proceed to crush the ever-loving dogshit out of the most medium of jumps. However, watch until the end when my friend Andy is thoroughly sonned in the process of helping me celebrate. Proppers to Andy’s wife Jen for filming — and even zooming in on her husband getting sonned. If you listen closely, you can hear her snicker. Footage after the jump.
Last Minute Slang
In January, I coined “The dime” to be used in reference to 2010. I even put it on Urban Dictionary. But seeing as how it is now the end of December, I think it’s safe to say that it did not catch on. Your loss.
However, there are still three solid business days left to sound cool. A few suggested uses:
“In the dime, I gots mine.”
“I busted rhymes in the dime.”
“How was the dime? All that and a bowl of thyme.”
Trust me — it will up your street credibility by at least four percent.
Oldskool Wednesday
Back in 2003, I used to tour with an X-Games knockoff called the Mobile Skatepark Series. It was pretty cool because it eventually became the LG Action Sports Championships, which showcased Bucky, Sheckler and all of the other giants of extreme sports.
I was hired to coordinate The Yard — an underfunded HipHop companion piece that featured b-boy battles, deejay battles and graffiti art exhibitions. It was fun exposing middle America to underground HipHop, but it also meant that I had to find breakdancers in cities like Cincinnati.
Because I’m a control freak, I ended up hosting, producing and editing the segments that aired weekly on Fox Sportsnet. A few of my favorites after the jump: